The Heroin Diaries: Final Thoughts

         One of the things that stood out to me throughout the entire book was Nikki's mood swings. One day he was depressed and asked many questions about why things happened and wondered if anyone would even notice if he was gone. When he was off the drugs, he was usually happier. Not saying he wasn't still depressed, because I think that even when he was off the drugs he was still depressed. But he could tolerate each day off the drugs more so than when he was on the drugs.
         I think it's interesting that everyone keeps telling Nikki he's going to die if he doesn't stop, and he really doesn't seem to care. On page 384, Li told Nikki, "He (the fortune teller) says if you don't change your ways you won't live until the end of the year." All Nikki said to that was, "Thank you... that gives me a week longer than I expected." I feel like this was Sikki talking more so than Nikki, but it caught my attention. I thought about it after I got done with the book as well because after Nikki died for a little bit, he was so thankful to be alive and said he'd never do drugs again. He didn't seem to care about dying until he actually died for a little bit and came back and I found that interesting.
       

Comments

  1. JenipherNovember 2, 2017 at 6:49 PM

    Most of the time when Nikki was off drugs for a day or two and had mentioned being happier not being on them, I do not think he meant mentally. Also, almost every time Nikki mentions about being happier off drugs it was because he was not sick, had no hangover, or did not feel like death, due to taking excessive amounts of drugs. Additionally, Nikki would actually get more depressed after being of the drugs after a day or two, when his mind started to think more about all of the why’s.
    I do not believe in his heart that he did not care if he died or not. It was more a thought of wanting to be happy and if dying is what it took, Nikki felt it might be the only way. Nikki cared, he may not have shown it, but deep down he wanted to live, and not just live, live happily just like any other person on earth would. He was manically depressed, which can mess with the chemicals in one’s brain and along with the drugs screwing up the chemicals as well, that makes for a deadly destructible concoction.

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  2. UnknownNovember 4, 2017 at 6:44 PM

    Drugs gave Nikki a way to escape from his total boredom and depression. I agree that Nikki was happier when sober for periods longer than a week. His creativity and passion for music would return and overall personality would be more bearable. Deep inside Nikki wanted to live, his mind was clouded with depression and the drugs didn't help. Once he found himself, and along with his sobriety life was worth living. Most people who are depressed, and receive love and help believe life can be better. Nikki is an intelligent man so, I was definitely surprised when Nikki wasn't phased by the fortune tellers thoughts. I thought this is Nikki's final chance to change his life and is wasting it.

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